Regulation for Effective Parenting
It’s a cliché that therapists always want to know about your mother and clichés are usually true. How you were parented is relevant to how you live your life now. Since I don’t see kids, I don’t often read parenting books, but The 5 Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans by Aliza Pressman was worth the read. She’s a developmental psychologist who introduces these five principles, Relationship, Rules, Reflection, Regulation and Repair, as essential to being a good parent. The goal is to engage these principles more often than not, or to be a “good enough” parent.
In my experience, one of the most damaging actions is holding children responsible for parents’ own feelings. Your kids are not responsible for your feelings. You are. My favorite parts of Dr. Pressman’s book were the regulation exercises especially her focus on the breath. I hope that many parents will pick this one up.
Here’s a loving kindness meditation to help you regulate today. Remember to breathe!
May I be safe
May I be happy
May I be healthy
May I live in peace, no matter what I’m given
May my heart be filled with love and kindness
Now focus on someone you love:
May they be safe
May they be happy
May they be healthy
May they live in peace, no matter what they’re given
May their heart be filled with love and kindness
Now focus on someone for whom you want to have compassion:
May they be safe
May they be happy
May they be healthy
May they live in peace, no matter what they’re given
May their heart be filled with love and kindness
Now focus on your community:
May we be safe
May we be happy
May we be healthy
May we live in peace, no matter what we’re given
May our hearts be filled with love and kindness
