“The Fog: Living in Adoption’s Aftermath”

In “The Fog,” the author, Larissa MacFarquhar interviews several adoptees about their experiences.  Understandably, each individual’s experience is unique and has both positive and negative elements. She explores the complicated feelings of having wonderful adoptive parents, but still finding that something is missing.  She points to the loss of culture in transnational and transracial adoption.  Horrifyingly she reports on children being placed in orphanages whose parents were not dead, but were instead having financial struggles. All of the stories point to a complicated grief—the loss of a dream or the loss of “what might have been.”  Working through this kind of grief in therapy is different than mourning a more tangible loss like a person, pet, or job. This grieving process includes making up our own rituals to mark the loss.  In my experience, rituals like writing letters, creating art and retreats are helpful to process this kind of grief. What other rituals would you suggest to mark the loss of dreams?