At Home

At Home: A Short History of Private Life by Bill Bryson doesn’t seem like it should be on a therapist’s blog, but hear me out. This book guides you through human beings’ history of living in community. It’s very nerdy and very fascinating. Of course I was particularly fascinated with the history of the kitchen. Why do we have salt and pepper on almost all of our prepared foods? I was also very grateful for my dishwasher, but as a sex therapist, I want to highlight the chapter on the bedroom.

As you might expect, he reminds us of the ways women’s sexuality has been medicated, distrusted and pathologized: “ To avoid sexual arousal more generally, women were instructed to get plenty of fresh air, avoid stimulating pastimes like reading and playing cards, and above all never use their brains more than was strictly necessary.” HA!

Though many aspects of the bedroom have changed (I do not have a lady’s maid in my dressing room, nor a dressing room at all, unfortunately), much of our experiences in the bedroom remain the same:

"The bedroom is a strange place. There is no place within the house where we spend more time doing less, and doing it mostly quietly and unconsciously...it is in the bedroom that many of life's most profound and persistent unhappinesses are played out. If you are dying or unwell, exhausted, sexually dysfunctional, tearful, racked with anxiety, too depressed to face the world, or otherwise lacking in equanimity and joy, the bedroom is the place where you are most likely to be found."

This book was filled with trivia and history about what makes us the way we are. I loved it.